As you finish reading this article, you will discover 7 powerful steps to ending sexual addiction.
Now let yourself get in touch with your feelings and discover how to empower yourself with the strength to overcome porn.
Alone, in the silence of the night, I realized that I had a porn addiction that included unmanageable sexual behavior. My entire system—emotional, physical, and spiritual—had been perverted by pornography and sexually acting out. I had to change.
Many mornings I prayed and did not feel a thing. I was determined. I prayed and prayed and read scriptures and inspirational readings. I even perused self-help books and prayed some more. Nothing happened. Because I relapsed so many times, I still felt insincere even with all my effort.
Days later, I hadn’t looked at porn. Okay, I thought that I had made progress. However, that evening, I went on line and had a porn binge. I became totally disgusted with myself. After the episode, I saw the bottle of pills. I knew that if I took the complete bottle, I would be ending my suffering. I would die. I took the complete bottle.
Sometime after midnight, my wife found me unconscious on the floor. Not responding to her. My granddaughter called 911. Just in time, the hospital pumped my stomach. I didn’t die. I was sent to a psyche ward.
The second morning in the mental hospital, I broke down. Tears flowed, I shook while I wept and asked God to forgive me. I told Him that I was sorry. I thanked Him for his compassion. I told Him that I love Him.
I forgave myself for trying to take my life. Gratitude washed over me. I knew without a doubt that I had to change. I no longer could avoid who I had become.
After I the suicide attempt, I found a therapist, who specializes in sexual therapy, and told him my story. I also joined a Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA) group and continue to share my story. I learned in the SAA meetings that I had to make a fearless inventory of all of my wrongs. I also had to confess to someone and to God about my addiction; fortunately these had already happened. I had to journal the inventory.
I wrote an honest account of my behaviors. I knew that if I didn’t, I would remain stuck with my limiting beliefs or if I stopped, I would relapse one more time. I had to admit to myself, God, and someone else that I had an addiction to pornography. I had to confess my wrongs. I heard that confession is good for the soul; well, being desperate, I was willing to give it a try.
Why did I do this? I didn’t have a choice if I wanted to break free from my addiction.
Top 7 Steps to Recovery
- Admit my wrongs to myself.
- Make a conscience inventory.
- Write a fearless account in a journal.
- Talk to God about my wrongs.
- Tell another person about my addiction.
- Attend a support group.
- Forgive myself.
Heavens and glory
Grandeur in the dark
Yet, the silence spoke to me
Heart to Heart Came My Freedom
(Inspiration from Psalm 19)
I am still amazed how doing Steps 4 and 5 in the 12-Step Program empowered me to remain sober. Now, during recovery, I continue to follow the steps.
Since the suicide attempt, 16 months have strengthened my resolve.